March 13th

 As March 13 starts to close, my heart is filled with both joy and deep reflection. This day, back in 2011, was one of the most beautiful moments of my life—a day of love, commitment, and a promise made before God. Michael Shaw asked me to be his wife at the altar, in the very place where we sought God’s presence and guidance. I remember him asking me to gather the children so we could pray as a family. In that moment, I braced myself for what I thought would be one of his long prayers, picturing the kids sneaking glances at each other, trying not to roll their eyes. But instead, Michael’s prayer was the shortest I had ever heard. When I opened my eyes, there he was—on one knee, looking up at me with love and certainty. I laughed, overwhelmed with joy, and said yes to a life I never could have imagined.

But along with that joy, there was also a part of me that felt hesitant, even embarrassed. Not because of him, but because of my own past—the choices I had made, the pain I had carried, and the people I had hurt, as well as those who had hurt me. I was still in the midst of healing, still trying to shake off the weight of past mistakes and the fear of what others thought of me. As a people pleaser, that was a heavy burden to carry. But by God’s grace, I have been delivered from that.

Looking back, I see how God was working in me even before that moment. My healing had started years earlier—digging into childhood wounds, unpacking the weight of my salvation journey, and facing the impulsive decisions I had made along the way. If I could go back, there are so many things I would change. I wish I had been ready to meet Michael sooner, but I also know that God’s timing is perfect. It happened exactly as it was meant to, and for that, I am forever grateful.

So, if you’re in a season of struggle, if you find yourself caught in cycles of hurt or making choices that lead to pain, I want to encourage you—healing is possible. Take the time. Sit with the Lord. Let Him peel back the layers, even the ones that hurt the most. Let Him touch the wounds that you’ve tried to cover up and heal them from the inside out. It’s hard work, but I promise you, it’s worth it. Because when you do, you’ll step into the kind of freedom and abundance that only God can give.

Even though my greatest blessing is no longer with me in this physical world, I hold onto the promise that he is whole and free in heaven. I know he’s up there leading something—because that’s just who he was. And while I miss him deeply, today is a reminder of all the good that came from saying yes. Yes to healing. Yes to love. Yes to God’s best for me.

If you’re in a place where you feel stuck, please know that there is hope. Do the work. Lean into the hard things. Trust God with the process. Because on the other side of healing, there is joy beyond what you can imagine. And I am living proof that it’s so, so worth it.