Moving forward

Losing Michael to cancer was the most devastating experience of my life—and there have been plenty to choose from.

I miss what our life was supposed to be, and some days, that’s the hardest part to reconcile.

Last night, I was scrolling through my phone, looking at memories—moments that now bring more smiles than sorrow. I got to love him. I got to do life with him. I got to. And I am so incredibly blessed that I did.

His first heavenly birthday is approaching and I find so many memories playing in my mind. It’s like on a repeat reel. 

Some days, the grief is heavy; other days, I feel deep joy. Some days, I want to hide from the world; other days, I want to grieve loudly. This deep love came with deep sacrifice. I miss him—but more than anything, I miss the future we were supposed to share.

Some may ask, shouldn’t you be able to move on? If only it were that simple. Instead, I move forward—because that’s all I know to do. I carry him with me everywhere, hear his passionate voice in my mind, feel the echoes of I love you, beautiful in my heart, and notice the little God winks he sends my way. He is woven into my very being.

And so, I move forward one more day—with him, always.