Life without you

Michael, 

Today I took your name off the last account we had. Let’s just say that was harder than I anticipated. I know that I carry you with me. Everywhere. Wherever I am you are. But the finality of that has me very emotional today. Tack on the fact that next week is 10 months without you. I’m very sure I hate that so much. 

Today I feel like I’m drowning. So I’m gonna do what you’ve told me a million times. Stay on the bank don’t get pulled into the river. Be a tree planted by the river. 

So tonight I am working to stay on the bank. Trusting the Lord in such unknown waters. Who knew missing you would be crippling at times. That I would feel like I’m drowning. I sit and everyone around me is laughing, talking about the future, and going on with their lives. Which I am glad that have that. I really am. I live in this inbetween space and it’s hard. Life without your wisdom, your strength, without you is crippling at times. But one thing I know, one thing I am thankful for is that I got to love you and that you loved me so well. This was a once in a lifetime love and I carry it with me every single day. 

I miss you Michael… I love you even more. Forever and Always.