Pushing…

Today was hard. 

It’s the start of our anniversary month. 

In the middle of fighting cancer with one thing after another coming up against us…

Michael has a paralyzed vocal cord from

nerve damaged caused by his non small cell Non smoking lung cancer.  They share the same nerves. What are the odds?

It’s hard. The having faith and trusting yet also humanly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Working to stay positive yet feeling like it’s a never ending problem after problem. Looking at the one you love deeply plugging along trying to make everyone else feel safe when he’s questioning so much. Physically seeing the changes yet in the BIG scheme of things he’s doing so much better than most with his diagnosis. Not sure anyone understands the overwhelming feelings of it all. The struggles of needing support when so many need to be supported. The uncertainty of what’s next. It’s like straddling a fence not sure which side you will land on. The questioning of your faith. The struggle of what the future may hold. I swear the testing is too much to bare. Like how much is too much? Not having the answers yet looking to the one who has every single one. This struggle is so real and at times we feel so alone yet so deeply held. How does that last statement even make sense? But we feel so held at times. 

It’s a struggle but one worth pushing through. Working to push through as we walk out this thin line that’s a twisted interlude in our story. It’s tragically beautiful and I expect the beauty to outshine the struggle. I feel like a seesaw at best. Trying to even put words to it feels inadequate. Yet here we are pushing through. This fine line we are walking… making it to the other side. 

No matter what you are facing, the struggle, the conflict, know this… God is for you and there is NOTHING that can separate you from the love of God. NOTHING.